Unfinished Love

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What if there’s too many hindrances for you to love someone? Will you let go and stay away or do you let your love take its course?

I choose to stay away. Maybe because its for the best. There’s too many hindrances.

I fell in love with my student. Yes, its very taboo! It’s wrong wherever angle you look at it. A teacher is not suppose to cultivate feelings for his students. But I think destiny is playing a fool out of me.

It was fun having him as a student. He was very funny and has lots of humor. He is Korean and I’m not. He’s a foreigner studying English in my country. Their culture and upbringing is very different from mine.His name was David. He is 17 and I’m 22.

Everyday was fun and different. He makes me laugh and smile all the time. My lesson to him is conversation which tackles teenager issues. All I have to do is to talk to him in English and correct whenever his grammar is wrong. I enjoyed conversing with him and got to know a variety of things about him. He is sometimes a bully to his other friends, but he was respected by the other students because of his age and status. He is quite popular because of these. Every hour I spend with him everyday was very special to me. To the point that I am consciously unaware that my reason for going to work was to see him everyday. It made me depressed that as time goes by quickly, the day for him to go back to Korea is finally coming. He is only supposed to stay here for 6 weeks. At first, I was not aware of my feelings. I just thought of him as a very special student. He keeps on giving me small gifts, food and drawings he made. He also made a lettering of my name wherein the tiny details are my name written many times. His treatment for me is exceptional. It was a way for him to take care of me. It made me happy to know that he cares for me. He was also very sweet. I had this feeling that he has special emotions for me. His friends and some of his other teachers are telling me that David treats me differently.

One month have past and I was somewhat confused of what I am feeling towards him. All this time I just see him as a very special student. But as the days passes by, I was very perplexed by the circumstance. I was scared that I might like him. I knew it was wrong. Everything was wrong. The relationship, age and culture are wide of the mark. To the point that I thought of it as immoral. I decided to stay away because I think it is the best way. I settled the incident by resigning.

Three days before my last day, he knew about my resignation. It made him angry and asked me to tell him the reason. I quickly made up an explanation and said that it was final. He confronted me and said that it was unfair. My heart broke deep inside. I really didn’t want to go. I was just not sure of what I’m feeling and it scares the hell out of me that it might be more than special. It might be love and I know its wrong. I’m such a scared loser.

My last day in school finally arrived. I was looking forward on my schedule with him. To my surprised, his friend came up to me and said that he was brought to the clinic although it was not a serious case. He submitted himself for consultation at the time of his class with me. I waited for an hour but he did not came. It made me frustrated and depressed since it was the last time that I will be able to see and talk to him. Just for the last time I will be able to see him since he is going back to Korea in 2 weeks time. I was astonished when his friend came up to me. He said that David was sad all day. He also told me that David likes me very much and has feelings for me and that he didn’t want me to go. Deep inside I wanted to cry.

As I leave the school, I saw him near the gate. It made me relieved that at least I get to see him for the last time. I asked him why he did not attend my class. He told me that he was sick although I know he is only making it up. My heart was slowly breaking apart. I wanted to cry but I can’t. I wanted to hug him but I shouldn’t. I can’t even think of a word to say because I don’t want to tell him goodbye for I might break down in front of him. Just when I started to take my step, he told me the words that really jerked my tears. The last words that I will treasure for the rest of my life. The words “see you someday.” I didn’t want him to see me cry so I smiled at him and quickly walked away. I tried to suppress my tears but they kept on rolling down my eyes. It was a heartbreaking moment for me. Only by that time I knew that maybe I love him all this time. I was just ignoring the facts and now I was in a state of regret.

Today is the day that he will go back to Korea. I will miss him for sure. We do not have any form of communication so there is no way for me to be in touch with him. I’ll just stick to his last words that maybe we will see each other again someday. And maybe when that day comes, I just hope that everything will be alright. I will never forget him. He will always have a place in my heart. I miss him so much that it still makes me cry. How I wish I could see him again. He is a million miles away from me now.

It was so hard to stay away from someone you love. And what makes it harder is that the feeling is mutual, but then the circumstances are all wrong. In love, is there a concept of tact? That love implies delicate and considerate perception of what is appropriate? Can love be immoral? I hope to find the answer to my questions soon.